Its not your body. Its a seperate body with its own limbs organs and DNA. Its not you! It was your body when you chose to spread your legs and it was your body when you chose not to protect yourself and it was still your body when you chose not to get the morning after pill if you were raped or made a mistake. Were all those oppurtunities not enough for you?
Deny people the morning after pill.
Shame them for not using the morning after pill.
Have no idea how rape affects people.
Bask in smug ignorance.
Is the fetus using my body and my organs to grow and develop? Does the fetus require the continual, non-stop usage of my body and my organs to grow and develop? Does the fetus require the usage of my body and my organs to be born? Since the answer to all of these questions is YES then it IS my body. My body is what’s being used by that fetus and NOBODY no person, no fetus, no thing of any sort has the right to use my body without my consent. If I do not fully and freely consent without any sort of coercion to the use of my body, no matter what the situation is, then I have the right to do whatever is necessary to stop my body from being used in ways I do not want. Pretty fucking simple.
Awhile back I posted the bioware article about gamer privilege in reference to DragonAge2 and it’s whole same-sex relationships option on my facebook page along with the Dr. Nerdlove post about straight male privilege in nerddom and had a discussion about it with a number of friends in the resultant threads. The threads involved a number of male gamers who I personally like and respect and who generally like and respect me (at the very least we are friends who do game together or have gamed together in the past without incident). These men are people who I would believe are not overtly sexist or misogynistic in any way and who are at least mildly aware of their own privilege so I was really bothered when they started arguing with me about the article - namely by defending the jerky male behavior many female gamers face with the excuse of “social awkwardness.” I pointed out things like microagression and othering and the fact that while there are some people who are genuinely accepting of women in nerdery there are far more people who are outright shitty or at the very least unwelcoming and rude but I only just now, over a month after the fact, realized what the real problem with those threads actually was - victim blaming.
The feminist subject “in the room” hence “brings others down” not only by talking about unhappy topics such as sexism but by exposing how happiness is sustained by erasing the signs of not getting along. […]
My point here would be that feminists are read as being unhappy, such that situations of conflict, violence, and power are read as about the unhappiness of feminists, rather than being what feminists are unhappy about.
Feminist Killjoys (And Other Willful Subjects) by Sara Ahmed
“Drama” (at least in gaming communities) has come to mean any situation of conflict. Since gaming is supposed to be fun, there is supposed to be no conflict. Which rarely means there is no conflict. Mostly it means any conflicts are covered up. Sometimes one gets lucky and finds a group where the members are willing to put in the interpersonal work to resolve conflicts by working out the issues, rather than by trying to shush them up.
A person who is seen as starting drama, male or female, is a drama queen. But as the gendered nature of the insult shows, women are more likely to be accused of being drama queens than men. Women are particularly likely to be seen as starting interpersonal trouble with men, simply by being present and being female. Rather than blaming the poor behavior of sexist men towards women, folks blame the women for being present and thus somehow leading the men into temptation with our sexy voices on Vent asking for the tank to stay in range.
Women in games are the recipients of a lot of sexual advances, which sometimes start out friendly and turn hostile as they are turned down, and other times are pretty hostile from the start. Since a lot of this happens in private channels, it’s not seen by the men not involved in it in the early phases. In this way it’s quite similar to street harassment which is incredibly prevalent, but often unseen by men. All the women gamers I’ve talked to about the issue, which is to say the ones I’m close enough to talk to about some pretty sensitive topics, have some methods for turning down advances without upsetting the interlocutor too much. If you’re a woman, and you game, you have to have some plan for how you’ll deal with unwanted sexual advances, because eventually you’ll get them.
Women try for the most part to deal with this shit privately for a variety of reasons. Partly not to start drama, partly because it’s embarrassing to even talk about this stuff, and partly because we know from bitter past experience it’s our character and behavior that will be put to scrutiny and not the harasser’s.
When women finally bring up the harassment they’ve been dealing with to others in their group, it’s usually in a phase far past the mild and now well into — there’s that word again — drama. The woman mentions the problem when it becomes too much for her to handle any more, when the risk of mentioning is outweighed by risk of putting up with it any longer.
This is where shit gets weird. The woman who mentions the problem is seen as the cause of the problem. It is as though if only she kept quiet and took the harassment in silence, there would be no problem. Rather than confront the possibility that some men are assholes in specific ways towards women, folks would rather shoot the messenger. Or, as we feminists sometimes say, blame the victim.
Thank you, mstashers, for showing me the awesomenss of this tumblr.
I wanna talk about rape culture for a minute.
I have this white, cis-male, middle class, heterosexual friend. Think of a privilege, and I guarantee you he has it. He’s probably the most bigoted person in my life, and I’m always shaking my head and telling him “I don’t know why I spend time with you”. He’s the kind of guy who thinks that because his best friend is biracial, it exempts him from being racist. He gets legitimately upset at the idea of cutting military spending. He strongly believes that people on welfare are just lazy because of this one person he met one time.
Yeah. He’s that guy.
Anyways, tonight, he shared his opinions on a “shocking” article he read about how Universities that rely on federal funding are going to have their own hearings in cases of rape and sexual assault, completely independent of any criminal proceedings. Apparently, it’s ridiculous to him that these hearings wouldn’t be held to the same standard of a criminal trial. It’s not “innocent until proven guilty” and there is no judge and no jury.
This is the rest of that conversation:
Me: Okay, well, the University is allowed to do that. And they fucking should.
Him: But it’s illegal!
Me: No, it’s not. The University is like a business. You can’t go into a Wal Mart and start cussing out the clerk. They’ll ask you to leave. Your freedom of speech protects you from being arrested for cussing in public, but it doesn’t mean you can do it wherever you like. I know for a fact you can get kicked out of the College of Education at UNO if you get a DUI or an MIP.
Him: Oh. Well, I just think that would hurt people who are falsely accused of rape.
Me: Really? When the fuck does that happen? I can tell you ten stories of people whose rapists got away with it, but I can’t think of one where someone went to jail on trumped up rape charges.
Him: Yeah, but what about at parties? People drink or do drugs and then they don’t know what happened to them, they could just accuse anybody.
Me: Well in a situation like that I think you’d have to start looking at cases individually. Besides, there would be witnesses and other stuff to consider. I hardly think a rape victim would just decide to randomly accuse someone if they truly had no clue.
Him: I just…I just think that’s a dangerous policy to have.
Me: Why? What harm could it do? Are you really planning on going out and raping someone?
Him: No, I just don’t think it’s fair.
Me: You know what’s not fair? Being raped. Dude, think about all the women in your life who have been raped and not reported it. In an innocent-until-proven-guilty world that relies on physical evidence and discounts women’s testimony, it’s very hard to get a conviction. The least that can be done is to have the University kick them the fuck out.
Him: But that could really affect someone’s whole life…
Me: Are you kidding? They should be in jail. It should affect their whole life.
Him: I guess. But you know, you keep talking about women being raped, and there are men that get raped, too.
Me: You are absolutely right. And I should have been using more inclusive language. But that doesn’t mean anything I’ve said isn’t true.
I was really on edge after that part of our conversation. I went to read the article he’d talked about as soon as he left. The article is full of logical fallacies, pompous asshattery, and a general air of pretentiousness. This is the part that made me the most angry:
Where are the professors of literature who will patiently point out that, particularly where erotic desire is involved, intentions can be obscure, passions conflicting, the heart murky and the soul divided?
Seriously? This reeks of victim blaming and mansplaining. The entire last part of the article is the author asking more of these arrogant rhetorical questions that basically amount to “What about due process and free speech and the dignity of the accused?”
This, folks, is rape culture. For every ONE story you could tell me about an innocent person convicted of rape I could tell you 100 more where the rapists walked free, and another 100 where the rapists weren’t even be tried because survivors can’t or won’t report the crime. But IT’S THE END OF EDUCATION if we acknowledge that our legal system is flawed. In a world where college campuses seem to be infamous for rapes without consequences, I, for one, am thrilled that the universities will be able (or forced, by Title IX policy) to start taking a closer look at these cases.