From The Vagina Monologues
By Eve Ensler
My short skirt is not an invitation
that I want it
or give it
or that I hook.
My short skirt
is not begging for it
it does not want you
to rip it off me
or pull it down.
My short skirt
is not a legal reason
for raping me
although it has been before
it will not hold up
in the new court.
My short skirt, believe it or not
has nothing to do with you.
My short skirt
is about discovering
the power of my lower calves
about cool autumn air traveling
up my inner thighs
about allowing everything I see
or pass or feel to live inside.
My short skirt is not proof
that I am stupid
or a malleable little girl.
My short skirt is my defiance
I will not let you make me afraid
My short skirt is not showing off
this is who I am
before you made me cover it
or tone it down.
Get used to it.
My short skirt is happiness
I can feel myself on the ground.
I am here. I am hot.
My short skirt is a liberation
flag in the women’s army
I declare these streets, any streets
my vagina’s country.
My short skirt
is turquoise water
with swimming colored fish
a summer festival
in the starry dark
a bird calling
a train arriving in a foreign town
my short skirt is a wild spin
a full breath
a tango dip
my short skirt is
But mainly my short skirt
and everything under it
Getting drunk to the point of not being able to make informed decisions, and then having sex IS RAPE
Getting high for the first time and having no idea what the fuck is going on, and then having sex IS RAPE
Going on a date and being coerced into having sex IS RAPE
Being forced to have sexual contact that you don’t want, be that sex without a condom, sex on your period, public sex, him insisting on a blowjob IS RAPE
Wanting to stay a virgin until marriage and having someone convince you and convince you and convince you for months that sex is okay, and then having sex IS RAPE
Saying NO, then having sex IS RAPE
Changing your mind during sex and not having that decision obeyed IS RAPE
Having one Smirnoff ice, dozing by a campfire with a female friend and her fiance, then waking up to the fiance having sex with you while you’re unconscious, sober, but don’t have a clue if you’re dreaming or not, and in any case certainly couldn’t consent to sex while sleeping, IS RAPE.
Being so scared that you’re shocked into submission, scared into submission, or just don’t feel like you have the energy to fight, IS RAPE.
Trying to file rape charges against someone, and being told that police are “unable to” IS STILL RAPE.
Having your safeword ignored IS RAPE.
Bottom line: If you’re a woman or a man, and you feel sex was against your will or that it caused personal trauma or that it was rape…YOU DEFINE RAPE, AND YOU DEFINE HOW YOU HEAL.
Okay so people who aren’t women or men and have “sex” without their consent aren’t being raped?
And saying no during something like consensual non-consent and still having sex is rape?
NO. OP learn a little bit first. Your intentions are good, but you’re ignoring people who aren’t binary-identified and/or people within the BDSM community who may or may not use feigned defiance as part of their play.
We can create more and more situations and ask, “Was that rape?” What if one of them only spoken a little english? what is they were both high? what if there were four people?
I am not going to go through every sexual experience and deem it rape/not rape. This is not my place.
It is up to the survivor to say whether or not it was sexual assault.
not the aggressor. not their friends. not their family. not the police. not the court system. not their partner. and for sure not some random people on tumblr.
A navy sailor jailed for raping a sleeping female colleague while filming the assault on his mobile phone treated her like a prop, a judge says.
RAN sailor Keith Eric Calvert, 24, turned the camera on himself and gave the thumbs-up signal after digitally raping the woman, who was lying face down and unconscious on a bed after a night out drinking.
Victorian County Court Judge Michael Tinney said the footage, played during the navy trainee’s trial, was disturbing.
He said the victim “lay inert, silent and motionless, out to the world … she was entirely unconscious”, either from alcohol or sleep.
“You did as you pleased with her,” Judge Tinney said.
He said Calvert held his phone in one hand while penetrating the 18-year-old with the other, treating her “as no more than an object or a prop”.
“This was disgraceful conduct by you, both in penetrating her in those circumstances and filming it, and became more disgraceful still when you showed this material to other men,” Judge Tinney said.
“You should be ashamed of yourself.”
Calvert’s lawyer David Sexton had argued during his client’s pre-sentence hearing that bragging about sexual exploits and capturing them on video was part of the culture at the HMAS Cerberus training base south of Melbourne, where Calvert was stationed.
Judge Tinney said Calvert, who had been a loner growing up, was attracted to the camaraderie promoted by the defence forces and had joined the navy to make friends.
Calvert was found guilty last month of digitally raping the woman in a Melbourne home after a drunken night out at Crown Casino with five male colleagues in January 2009.
The trial was told the woman stripped to her underwear during a game of truth or dare before the assaults.
When Calvert tried to film her in this state of undress, she attempted to cover up and told him to stop. Judge Tinney said this should have alerted Calvert to her attitude towards being filmed.
The woman was unaware she had been raped until three months later, when another HMAS Cerberus colleague revealed he had seen sexually explicit images of her with Calvert.
In a victim impact statement, the victim said she felt angry and violated.
“I will never forgive and forget,” she said.
Calvert, who was suspended with pay following the charges, was sacked by the navy three days after the jury’s guilty verdict.
Judge Tinney said in sentencing he took into account Calvert’s youth, lack of prior convictions and the fact he would be behind bars when his first child is born, his partner being four months’ pregnant.
Calvert, of Thomastown, pleaded not guilty to one count of indecent assault and four counts of rape.
The jury found Calvert guilty of two counts of digital rape but not guilty of the other charges.
Judge Tinney ordered Calvert to serve three-and-a-half years’ jail before being eligible for parole.
Nice to see a judge who gets it.
It’s incredibly disturbing that events like this are becoming more common as the rates of rape in the military has been steadily rising as more women start to join.
Last night I innocently glanced through this magazine and was confronted with possibly the most disgusting and alarmist, “But what about the men?!” article about rape I’ve ever read. Things like this make me unable to think rationally so here are a few thoughts:
- Few things disgust me like the bizarre fantasy of this world in which false rape allegations are common. How many men do you know who have been falsely accused of rape? Because I know zero, and I know MANY women who have been raped. And by the way, as far as I know, none of those women ever pressed charges.
- To the woman who said: “If I were sending off a son to college right now, I’d be very concerned.” If you think you raised the type of man to have sex in shady as hell circumstances and/or with incapacitated women, you should be concerned. Also, I hope for her hypothetical sake that you do not have a daughter, so that you are not more afraid about a son’s trip to the dean’s office than a daughter’s you know… actual rape.
- “Those Clery Act reports contradict Joe Biden’s claim of an epidemic. Take Temple University. There are 30,000 students at its main campus on North Broad Street. The student body is 55 percent female, so if the one-in-five DOJ figure for sexual assaults is correct, 3,180 of the current female students would have been sexually assaulted while at the school. And yet Temple’s Clery Act report shows five sexual assaults in 2007, two in 2008, and two in 2009.” Wow, I guess I can’t argue with this. No woman in history has ever chosen not to report a rape and subject herself to the character assassination that goes along with it! Wait, what about all the friends I just mentioned?! I guess my experience is an anomaly!
- “Deborah Nolan says that in 25 years at Ursinus, she’s heard a ton of sexual assault stories, and only one didn’t involve alcohol. Drinking lowers inhibitions: “Sometimes we want to be coaxed into things. But it makes people irate when you say that.” I…..
Just read it yourself. Every single bit is horrible. The editor of Philadelphia magazine can be reached here.
Rape apologists need to STFU and go away now, thanks.
I feel ill whenever anybody says “But what about the men?!” in a mocking tone, as if it is ridiculous to care about men, an entire gender. That’s misandry right there. Feminism is centred around some people calling out injustices and saying “what about the women”, so rather than laughing at men sticking up for themselves, you would do better to show some respect.
For false rape accusations, see here and here and here. They exist, and treating them like the problem that they are is not misogyny. It is not oppression. It is not rape apologism. It is fair and equal justice. So you’re acting as if the fact that you’ve never seen one means that they don’t exist, then calling everybody else ‘bizarre’ and ‘disgusting’ for having seen one? Yeah, that’s not cool. Do some research beyond your own experience, maybe.
Mostly I’m offended by the continuation of your misandry, supporting the ‘men are potential rapists’ idea this article opposes whilst treating all women as potential rape victims, with no overlap. Those stereotypes and prejudices are dangerous, and they aren’t true. See more here and here.
I’ll also add to the point about the alcohol. It is not a man’s responsibility to give women a breathalyser test. If they seem sober and act willingly, you would be extremely harsh to convict him of rape. See here and here. This position is anti-man, and I doubt that you’d give the same judgement if their positions were reversed: if Jack was drunk, went over to Diane and grabbed her crotch whilst pushing against her, then started kissing and embracing her, and things went further, would you call him a rape victim? In all seriousness? If people said ‘well he was willing’, would you attack them for being rape-apologists? If people said ‘well it was his fault for getting drunk if he knows that’s how he’ll behave’, would you attack them for being victim-blamers? Would there be such an outrage?
I don’t think so, because your misandry is on plain display in this post. Feel free to prove me wrong. Otherwise, please read up on the facts in these links, and then see where that takes you. This has been a calling-out. Thank you for your time.
I think just-smith’s got it here. Nothing I really need to add.
Ooh, I have something!
Few things disgust me like the bizarre fantasy of this world in which false rape allegations are common.
It didn’t take very long to compile that.
And to answer:
How many men do you know who have been falsely accused of rape?
Four. All of which have had their lives ruined. On my biological father’s side, even though all charges were dropped against him, most of the family still wont talk to my cousin. He was fired. Lost his fiancee. And he’s still fighting with depression.
If you’ll allow me some self-righteous anger, how dare you. How dare you for ignoring the innocent men and boys who’s entire lives are shattered by false rape accusations. How dare you act like their suffering doesn’t mean anything. And how dare you try and use anecdotes as evidence. That’s just unsavory, and the grown ups like to call that “If I don’t see it it doesn’t happen” bullshit of a logical fallacy: Confabulation fallacy.
Let me spell that out for you,
“Attempts to establish a proposition as fact or as a universal principle based solely on anecdotes, personal experience, and testimony, where no other evidence for the assertion or way to test it exists.”
i.e. I’ve never met a dead child soldier in the slums of south Africa, therefore there are none!
Please use logic when you talk about issues like these. I honestly think some people should put Trigger Warnings for being a complete idiot.
Ruined as much as rape victims? Not really. Which is the whole point of this. The fact that plenty of dudes act as if being accused of rape is /worse/ than actually being raped. That is the outrage at false rape accusations, that they are used to deflect and minimalize rape, and frame female rape victims in general as manipulative schemers. Aka, victim blaming (not to mention many MRA types constantly misrepresent the actual statistics and the rate of false rape accusations). As long as people continue comparing the suffering of boys and men falsely accused as the same scale of suffering of a rape victim, someone will always be there to criticize that. So maybe you should be criticizing the men who do /that/, if you really want things to be better.
“Rape culture is people objecting to the detritus of the rape culture being called oversensitive, rather than people who perpetuate the rape culture being regarded as not sensitive enough.
Rape culture is the myriad ways in which rape is tacitly and overtly abetted and encouraged having saturated every corner of our culture so thoroughly that people can’t easily wrap their heads around what the rape culture actually is.”
Seriously. Stop it. The damage is devastating.
Agreed 100% with everything, great piece. Just change “ask every woman in your life if she has been sexually assaulted. Ask her to tell you her story” to every person in your life. Seriously, in my personal group of friends I know 8 men who have been sexually assaulted in their life and the erasure of men who are sexually assaulted is devastating to them and their recovery.
1:6 women are sexually assaulted at some point in their life but 1:4 people are sexually assaulted at some point in their life because it happens to men too, very often to trans-men and trans-women. I honestly feel like we can’t have a real discussion about sexual assault without including men in the discussion. I think we can successfully include males and men without derailing from the misogyny, power inequities and issues of privilege inherent in all discussions of sexual assault because, well, the root cause of most abuses including misandry is still misogyny. All we need is an inclusive discussion that deals with all abuses of a sexual nature.